[212] wirosableng

Why did I choose that title? Simply because of the number.

i'm 22 and i can't believe it. goodness, am i seriously getting older? even though i know how simple of a knowledge it is, getting older each seconds, but believing isn't that simple. july 26th, 00.05am, i get older for another year.

what have i done these past 22 years and 5 days? what have i achieved? have i made my family proud? have i? these questions always bring me to tears. to self-pity. to a very long silence. and i've never felt confident enough to answer those questions because i know the answers are disappointing.

i'm grateful to have my family and my friends who love me, who always there, who always try to understand me, and who never give up on pushing me.i just hope i can start reacting to your push soon. i can start moving soon. wherever it is i'm going.

i'm getting older, but am i getting more mature each second?

[203] obrolan random

What if I don't love you anymore?
"Ya sudah. Yang penting kamu bilang."
But, that would be very sad and I don't want it.
"Ya kan hal itu juga gak akan terjadi begitu saja. Pasti ada sesuatu hal yang terjadi sebelumnya yang membuat kamu jadi seperti itu. Mungkin aku melakukan sesuatu yang bikin kamu memilih untuk berhenti. Atau apapun itu. Yang penting kamu selalu jujur."

Will we still cute and romantic after a very long time? I know this is a stupid question. It was suddenly there in my mind, one random night when I was trying to sleep. What if after we're married, we stop being cute? We stop trying to impress each other, to show our love to each other. What if?
"Sudah menikah, sudah tunangan, ataupun sudah pacaran, itu semua cuma mengenai status. Apa menurut kamu kalau mereka sudah menikah mereka sudah pasti akan bahagia? Apakah sudah pasti saling mencintai? Eh, jangan anggap pikiranku jahat lho, ini cuma contoh. Apa menurut kamu pasti?"
No?
 "Nah. Semua tuh hanya mengenai alasannya. Kalau memang dia cuma cari statusnya, cuma cari uang atau tahtanya, ya kan beda pasti dengan yang memang mungkin ingin beribadah. Atau memang karena cinta? Maaf kalau bahasanya agak berlebihan. Tapi memang begitu bukan kenyataannya?"
Hmm.. Will we? Keep being fun?
"Kamu mau gak?"
I want it. Oh! I understand now. It's up to us, right?
Yup.
So, yeah, we will.
Insya Allah.