provoking

i'm happy.

i found open-minded people that i can discuss anything with. without having to think about whether they will be annoyed by my opinion. without any fear of being judged. and it's liberating. you know, i've stopped using my brain to really think since i stopped reading and since i graduated. 

i don't know if it's just me being cocky and i stop learning or i don't feel like i'm intrigued enough and challenged enough to use my brain to its full strength.

God, do you see me?

but then again, i realized that people have to see things for themselves to believe in something. for example, take me. my father always told me that i'm more than what i think i'm worth for. that i can do better than just doing what i do now. that i didn't even use 1% of my own strength.

i couldn't see it.

don't get me wrong. i have this tendency of being such a pessimist, of underestimating myself, of not believe in my worth. and i don't know why. so yeah, i couldn't see it.

until i can.

until one day, it struck me. i tried to look deeper into myself and into my past. and somehow, i can see it. i'm greater than what i thought i was. i try to value myself as true as possible. i put myself first before anyone else. and i stop listening to all the fuzzy wuzzy know-it-all-when-actually-not noises. i stop bother.

and i'm happier :)

and things are clearer this way.

2017, a year with you

tanggal 3 Januari 2018 menandakan tanggal 3 kami yang ke-17. sudah enam belas bulan kami bersama. dan selama setahun penuh 2017 kami bersama.

kalau saya disuruh merangkum 2017, sesungguhnya saya bingung.

rasanya, banyak hal yang terjadi. namun pada saat yang bersamaan juga tidak ada yang terjadi. penuh kontradiksi ya? 

Eco Park Ancol, Jakarta

masih ada beberapa checklist yang masih belum berhasil tercentang di tahun 2017. masih banyak juga hal yang sedikit banyak disayangkan. namun, yang pasti saya belajar bahwa jika bukan karena setiap pilihan yang telah saya pilih dan setiap kejadian yang sudah terjadi, tidak mungkin saya bisa menjadi saya yang seperti sekarang ini.

apapun yang terjadi, keseluruhan prosesnya harus disyukuri.
dan dikontemplasikan.

The silhouette

untuk selamanya.
dan untuk bertahun-tahun berikutnya yang selalu menjadi lebih baik dari sebelumnya.