Mantra-Mantra

An album by Kunto Aji

When I first listened to Sulung, I fell in love immediately. Nope, not just to that particular song, but also to the whole album. I tried to introduce the song to my partner, but yeah, he prefers different types of music.

in you.

you can always talk with other people,
like a lot of people.
ask for their opinion.

Let go

for them to wash away the pain

 

Have you ever been deeply double-crossed? By the person you expected to be the most trustworthy.

It all came as an outraging news.

Waiting

I hate waiting.

Moreover when I have to wait aimlessly without any certainty.

Just Start

 

A lot of people don't like writing.

However, I fell in love with stories early on my life.

the sound of your heart

you can always talk with other people,

like a lot of people.

ask for their opinion.

read books and try to look for clue.

listen to podcasts or watch motivational videos.

everything,

to find this so called answer.

but you forget to do one thing,

the one most important thing.

to look inside yourself.

to find it within.

not without.

Urip Iku Urup

 

This is basically a Javanese saying.

Hidup itu menyala-nyala.

someone else's well-being

embracing the last bit of sun ray

 

Several days ago, I had this random conversation with my mom on our way home. It started with a simple question of,

"How do you think a baby acquire their first language?"

it ends well (i hope)

it's ending.

well, i hope.

it's not like we both want it to end.

it's just, the circumstances we're in, the mistakes we both made,

the people who are involved,

they are all adding up to this moment.

we just can't help it.

we both need this.

screw you ghaniyya, who can't bring herself to hate him.

Series of Event

 

I believe that everything in this world is connected.

But previously,

I only saw part that is directly connected to my own life.

A very small part of all the connections in this world.

Then,

in these past few days,

something struck me.

Allah SWT is Great.

(trust me, I wanted to write this in English but I can't)

Saya menyadari seberapa kerennya, seberapa Maha Segalanya Allah SWT.

I should've known and believed in this from long way before now, but the more we think about our life, the more we contemplate, the more we be grateful, the more you realize this fact.

Can you imagine?

Every single human being, every living things in this whole wide world is connected to each other. All the events that are occurring around you are connected with you one way or another.

However, I also believe that everything that happens is not happening only because one big decision in your life, is not bound to happen because Allah SWT tells it to happen. It's more of an effect of a series of choices you've made along the way.

Allah SWT lets it happen,

after we decide which one of many would happen next.

Then the next. And so on.

But yeah, in all of those cross roads, Allah SWT always reminds you. Everytime you seem like going out of the right path, God always gives you a hint. Your heart feels the uneasiness, if only you listen to it. 

Then,

the first and the second theory being merged,

can you see it?

Can you see how Almighty God is?

How Great God is?

Dengan segala percabangan yang mungkin terjadi dari keputusan yang dibuat oleh setiap manusia, dengan sekian juta bahkan lebih manusia yang hidup di bumi ini, Allah SWT tahu dan mampu untuk mengkoneksikan segalanya.

Maha Benar Allah dengan segala firman-Nya.

into the 3rd

Entah apa yang bisa kukatakan.

Karena pada akhirnya, aku tidak perlu mengatakan apapun untuk membuatmu mengerti apa yang sedang bersarang di kepalaku.

Kamu tahu.

Kamu selalu tahu.

Yang aku mengerti dari semuanya,

aku bersyukur aku bertemu denganmu dan mengenalmu dan bisa memanggilmu milikku.

Seorang yang bertanggung jawab, pekerja keras, jujur, menyayangi keluarganya, sabar, pengertian, dan masih panjang lagi kalau aku harus tulis semuanya.

Dan kamu juga dengan segala kekurangan yang ada.

Sejak awal, aku sudah menyadari.

Bahwa mencintaimu itu mudah.

Dan juga sulit.

Karena bukan hanya kamu yang harus kucintai,

tetapi juga seluruhnya aspek di kehidupanmu.

Jadwalmu.

Mood swings mu.

Pekerjaanmu.

Namun, aku juga tahu.

Aku bersedia.

Kita bersedia, for better and worse,

bersama.

Untuk berpuluh tahun selanjutnya,

3 September 2016 - seterusnya

IQRA'

"Cultivate above all things a taste of reading." - Robert Lowe

One of the first verses of the Holy Book Qur'an is Iqra'.

Deep Cry

One night, I couldn't sleep

My mind couldn't stop thinking

And my heart was wild and disturbed

Loving

To love is a complicated thing

To sincerely love someone

sebuah doa

ya Allah,
tuntunlah hamba dalam setiap keputusan yang hamba buat, temani hamba dalam setiap langkah yang hamba ambil, agar semuanya selalu menuju kepada-Mu ya Allah. Dan jika memang keputusan yang hamba buat sejauh ini sesuai untuk hamba, maka yakinkanlah hati hamba agar bisa bergerak maju dengan lebih pasti.

aamiin..

learning english

if you want to learn English, it's basically just try to immerse yourself in an English environment. in a way where everything you do, you say, you read, and you listen are in English. that way, you'll gain better English faster.

but then, the most important thing is for you to realize that you really want to learn it. if you don't, if it's just because people are learning it, or because your parents and your boss told you so, or some other similar reasons, it will be very hard for you to learn.

Simon Sinek said, "Start with WHY."

"Why do you want to learn English?"

"We give you the most beautiful thing in life.. STORY"

cause, trust me. i see it firsthand. even people who know that they need English very much, still can't keep themselves in steadily reaching that goal. at the end of the day, it's not the skill itself that counts but your will in keep on practicing.

and another thing,
learn in a way that makes you happy. with methods that you know you will enjoy.

if you ask me what i do to keep my English progressing, here they are.

• i listen to podcasts. thanks to having iPhone and Jakarta's traffic, i have a lot of time spent in cars driving alone everyday. rather than listening to people rambling on the radio without any added value for myself (#nooffense), i choose to listen to podcasts. you can choose the channel that you will enjoy (and you can definitely learn from it). have i said that everything is FREE? my lists would be The Inquiries by BBC, unladylike, TED Talks Daily, and sincerely, X by TED and audible.
• i read books. for this, i thank myself and my family for making me read English books early in my childhood. they forced me into buying English novels cause they threatened me with not going to pay for Bahasa Indonesia's books. if you are a beginner English readers, you might want to consider finding on Google first the kind of book that suits your level of English so that you can enjoy reading it without having to go back and forth from your book and dictionary.
• and i have a lovely workplace with a day-to-day English environment, with people who are also eager in learning English. so yeah, i talk English with them.
• for addition, you can also choose watching movies or short videos on Youtube. even watching vlog can help. moreover, in trying to imitate the vlogger. that's what my sister does in front of the mirror every time she puts on her makeup and does her routine, and sure it helps.

and, anyway, let's start, shall we?

you can always reach me if you need any friend to talk in English with. email me at ghaniyyart@gmail.com and i'll reach back to you :)

reading

membaca untuk saya bukan hanya sekedar membaca buku atau komik atau koran atau artikel. bukan sekedar membaca suatu hal yang berwujud tulisan. pun tidak hanya sekedar membaca suatu karya seni.

membaca, adalah melihat dan memproses apa yang dilihat. pemandangan yang indah dari atas gunung. ombak yang menabrak dinding tebing di bawah sana. interaksi antar manusia yang terjadi di sekitar kita. perang politik di seluruh dunia. atau bencana alam yang melanda. dan membaca merupakan hal yang penting dan seharusnya dilakukan setiap saat.

sama seperti yang disampaikan oleh Allah SWT kepada Rasulullah SAW.

http://www.alqamarpublications.com/images/iqra-read-500x181.jpg

maka, "Bacalah dengan menyebut nama Allah SWT yang menciptakan".

stereotyping

Stereotype.

ster∙e∙o∙type

/ˈsterēəˌtīp/

noun

• a widely held but fixed and oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person or thing.

"the stereotype of a woman as a carer"

• a person or thing that conforms to a stereotypical image.

"don't treat anyone as a stereotype"

Stereotip.

/ste∙re∙o∙tip/

• a  berbentuk tetap; berbentuk klise.
• n  konsepsi mengenai sifat suatu golongan berdasarkan prasangka yang subjektif dan tidak tepat.

click on the picture for the source cause it's not mine

dari dua penjelasan dan satu gambar di atas, seharusnya kurang lebih kita sudah bisa menangkap apa itu stereotype (kindly let me use the English spelling since i'm not used to saying 'stereotip'). maka dari itu, stereotyping akan berarti melakukan kegiatan yang menyangkut dengan stereotype.

contohnya? *disclaimer: ditulis tanpa bermaksud menyinggung siapapun.

saya pribadi terkadang masih tidak bisa menahan diri melihat perempuan dengan kulit sawo matang khas Indonesia, pakaian yang sensual, dan dengan kemampuan bahasa inggris yang kurang, menggandeng bule. hampir secara otomatis, saya akan berkata, "tipikal".

atau seperti misalnya kita melihat lelaki yang suaranya gak laki banget dan gerakan tubuh yang cukup gemulai, pasti langsung kepengen ngomong, "wah nyarinya bukan cewek nih kayaknya".

atau setiap melihat perempuan yang bisa dandan bagus, bajunya gayanya asik, barangnya ber-merk, eh tapi sekolahannya gak bagus, "udah biasa".

itu adalah stereotyping. menilai seseorang dengan stereotype tertentu. secara sadar ataupun tidak.

kalau saya pikir-pikir lagi, sebetulnya kadang saya juga bingung. kenapa pula kita perlu menilai orang-orang tersebut? mereka tidak mengganggu kehidupan kita juga, kan? dan kenapa juga kita harus mengatakan penilaian itu dengan sikap dan nada yang merendahkan?

padahal mungkin kalau kalian tanyakan langsung ke orang tersebut, mungkin memang mereka benar-benar saling jatuh cinta tidak hanya dengan tubuh yang satu dan kantong yang satunya. atau mungkin memang ada masalah dengan hormon mereka yang tidak bisa mereka tolak karena memang itu yang ada dalam tubuhnya (dan mereka tetap masih mencari perempuan). atau memang ketertarikan mereka lebih banyak di bidang fashion dan sosial dibandingkan dengan eksakta. apa salah?

atau jangan-jangan para prejudice ini hanya iri?

travelling on foot

when i'm not in a hurry, i love walking and travelling using public transportation. i have more time enjoying myself on the journey with those.

before the long journey walking down the Mt. Rinjani

several days ago, on my off day, i went around using Transjakarta and feeder bus. i actually had my car with me and i had all the online transportation apps on my phone. it was just, i didn't feel like using them. i miss being with myself in the middle of the crowd, muting all the surrounding sounds with my headset playing my own playlist, and just reading. yeah, i really miss those commuting time i had when i was still in college.

and believe it or not, that was my first time being in a feeder bus.

so i walked to the nearest Transjakarta shelter and got into the bus right away. it wasn't their busy time (thank God) and it was really comfortable since they have the women's section. and i read happily without having to think about the traffic and all the other vehicles and all the other passengers. without a doubt, it was heaven.

(i was actually trying to stick to English, but since i'm writing this in the morning, my brain couldn't work properly. so i'm sorry for changing it to Bahasa Indonesia)

kemudian ketika saya harus turun dan jalan kaki untuk bisa naik feeder bus, saya berkesempatan untuk menghirup udara segar (ketika itu masih sore dan belum jam pulang kerja jadinya polusi tidak terlalu banyak. percayalah, ketika itu beneran segar di Jakarta) dan bukan udara artifisial yang ada dalam gedung-gedung mall. belajar memperhatikan apa yang orang lain lakukan, di mana tempat menunggu feeder bus, bagaimana cara mereka bayarnya (ternyata kayak naik bus kota biasa bayarnya, disamperin sama kenek-nya. bedanya, kita dapet print-out bukti bayar).

saya juga berkesempatan untuk bergerak lebih banyak dengan menaiki kendaraan umum. setelah saya pikir-pikir lagi, dulu saya kurus sewaktu SMA mungkin salah satunya karena saya selalu dapet kelas kalau bukan di lantai 4, di lantai 3. kemudian saya harus menyebrang jembatan penyebrangan di depan sekolah. lalu saya jalan kaki lagi dari saya turun angkot sampai rumah karena saya pelit gak mau bayar ojek. tapi mungkin ya memang karena saya dulu pelit aja sih jarang jajan jadi bisa atur makan gak terlalu banyak.

but anyway, my point is i think i will try to walk more. in my off day for sure.

bayangin nih. kalau saya naik mobil pribadi, sudah bisa dipastikan kurang lebih 3 jam waktu hidup saya terbuang di mobil tidak melakukan apapun. tanpa penambahan nilai apapun selain saya yang kadang malah jadi emosional menghadapi jalan. sedangkan jika saya naik kendaraan umum dan berjalan kaki, saya bisa gunakan waktu commute saya yang mungkin akan menjadi lebih lama tapi bisa digunakan untuk membaca buku. dan saya berjalan kaki. yang berarti saya bergerak. gak cuma duduk doang manas-manasin kursi mobil.

enak lho kalau kita pinter milih waktunya.

parallel life

Parallel.
par∙al∙lel
/ˈperə-ˌlel/

adjective
(of lines, planes, surfaces, or objects) side by side and having the same distance continuously between them.

• occurring or existing at the same time or in a similar way; corresponding.
• involving the simultaneous performance of operations.
• of or denoting electrical components or circuits connected to common points at each end, rather than one to another in sequence.

perception

has this ever crossed your mind?

while you're seeing other people talking to another stranger, have you ever had a thought of what is actually going on in their life? what are they talking about? what are they doing after this?

or when you're seeing a movie or reading a novel with first person point of view where you can only know, see and hear what this person know, see and hear. have you ever wondered what happen to the other character when the protagonist isn't with them? when the camera isn't pointing at them?

i have. not just once.

i'm curious. you know, sometimes we tend to make our problems to seem to be the biggest of all. but anyway, we can only see what we see. even for some people, they only believe what they see. and we can't see everything, can we? so, i don't necessarily blame them for that.

what i see, we are actually a dot in this world. a dot that is currently on a journey making a line in everywhere. maybe sometimes the lines are crossing with each other. sometimes they stay together for some time and then they just find another way apart. and it's not just about two dots. it's about millions of dots. including those who are even still there after they died.

hey, we're connected. in so many ways, don't you think?

7 habits

currently, i'm reading "7 Habits of Highly Effective People".

The inside of the book (+Harry Potter!!)

i'm actually not a big fan of self development books. i'm more into something light, like romance. fiction books to be more general. but never was self help books. i tried. i tried reading one of my mom's like "How to Win Friends and Influence People" and stuff. but it wasn't successful in making me in love with self help books.

as i'm getting older as everyone is, i met so many people. one of them is really into self development and is always encouraging me and all of his friends to develop themselves. one of the way is by reading books. lots and lots of self development books.

at first, i thought that i will never gonna enjoy reading those genre of books. i stumbled upon Mitch Albom's books which are very lovely and inspiring and having lots of learning. i thought, those kinds of books are enough to replace the needs of reading self help books. but then, i read them only to entertain myself. i learned accidentally. and i didn't internalize what i learned.

then, i went to a bookstore, into the imported parts, obviously. i searched through the bookshelves, trying to find anything that could spark my curiosity.

and that was when i saw this book. and i never regret buying this book. i love how Stephen R. Covey conveyed the message and wrote everything on this book. reading this (and trying to implement this) is a lovely journey.

if you read this book, you love it. i know.
and if you read this book, he said that don't read it as a learner but as a teacher instead. that way, you read to understand, to implement, and to share.

happy learning!

a realization

after all that happened in my whole life, i come to realize.
no one has ever been able to persuade me into anything. it was me and only me.

it was literally no one.

i can't even explain why.

i know, my parents are always having their part in my decision making. but in the end, i feel like that no one can ever talk me into anything. it is I who have to talk myself into something. it is I who have to open my own eyes. it is I who have to make myself move. it is all because of me.

so, now, i would like to ask me a question.
what am I gonna do? where am I heading to?
I know the the answers, aren't I?

mati rasa

saya takut saya akan mati rasa.

how does the world work?

i BELIEVE that everything happens for a reason.

EVERYTHING.

tuh, kurang apa tuh sampai saya bold dan underlined dan digedein tulisannya. because i do really believe that. eventho, at the time of the event, i might not understand the reason. i might not even remember this believe. but i do.

the beautiful blurry picture

i always try to find the silver lining in every situation. even the sh*ttiest one.

bahkan se-simpel (atau mungkin se-lebay), ini:
saya pernah berpikir, bangun saya yang kesiangan hari ini, kemudian saya yang jalan cukup terburu-buru dari rumah, tapi ternyata tetap gak telat, sebetulnya adalah sedang diingatkan oleh Allah SWT. semacam "okelah hari ini kamu Saya bantu, tapi kalau lain kali masih telat ya kamu harus rasakan sendiri akibatnya". dan dibantu ini dalam artian seakan-akan seluruh dunia yang sedang berada barengan saya sepanjang perjalanan itu kayak ngerti saya lagi buru-buru. semua jalan terbuka. walaupun mungkin ada yang lelet nyetirnya, tapi selalu ada celah untuk saya bisa menyalip. dan alhamdulillah tidak ada orang-orang aneh di jalanan yang bisa membahayakan.

selalu.

saya selalu mencoba untuk membayangkan apa maksud dari semua yang terjadi. bahkan se-aneh kenapa hari ini saya bisa sampai di tempat ini dan duduk di tempat ini di waktu ini. bagaimana saya bisa dipertemukan dengan orang tertentu di waktu yang memang saya butuhkan. mungkin untuk menunjukkan indahnya saling jatuh cinta atau mungkin untuk mengajarkan bagaimana saya bisa mengangkat kembali diri saya dari penyesalan yang mendalam atau sekedar mengingatkan saya bahwa inspirasi, pengetahuan, dan kasih sayang datang dari segala penjuru.

terkadang, kita hanya butuh untuk sadar.

being mindful.
even with your own body.
bagaimana sebetulnya badanmu sering memberikan pesan ke kita yang terkadang dengan sombongnya kita abaikan.

listen.
and you'll realize.



someone told me that my writings are empty.
i can only say i'm sorry and am actually on my way to fill my words.
kindly help reminding me to always stick to them and to always walk the talk :)

tentang menulis

menyongsong matahari

saya bukan orang yang termasuk mudah menulis. dalam artian, jika tiba-tiba saya ditodong untuk menulis dengan batasan-batasan tertentu, otak saya akan berhenti bekerja dengan baik. geriginya langsung macet dan tidak mampu berputar dengan baik. dan mungkin hal ini banyak juga terjadi kepada teman-teman yang lain.

entah.

saya bukan juga seorang pujangga yang pandai dalam merangkai kata-kata dengan rima yang indah dan arti yang terselubung dalam bahasa tingkat sastra. sama sekali bukan. kalau saya dan pasangan sedang iseng berbalas tulisan, bahasa dia lebih tinggi daripada saya. pun dia pandai mencari kata agar ber-rima. sedang saya? bahasa obrolan sama bahasa tulisan tidak jauh beda.

entah.

dari dulu, saya sering sekali bermimpi untuk menjadi penulis terkenal. atau untuk bisa menerbitkan buku best seller. makanya saya sering sekali baca novel dan memperhatikan bagaimana novel tersebut dituliskan. dari tata bahasanya, variasi kata yang bisa digunakan, bagaimana mereka bisa memunculkan konflik yang satu dan lainnya, juga mengenai EYD. percaya atau tidak, dulu saya baca lho itu EYD hanya untuk sekedar bisa menuliskan cerita yang rapi. saya benci sekali membaca ketikan orang lain yang sama sekali tidak memperhatikan tanda baca dan pengaturan paragraf dan semacamnya. pusing.

entah.

terkadang saya merasa tulisan saya tidak bernyawa. apalagi jika dibandingkan oleh salah satu senior saya di mana tulisannya selalu mampu menggerakkan hati saya dan menimbulkan emosi yang mendalam. dan selalu bisa membuat saya merasa dekat dengannya. serasa sedang dipeluk oleh rangkaian huruf dalam blog pribadinya.

entah.

mungkin saya hanya perlu lebih banyak menulis.

dimanapun itu dan bagaimanapun itu.

provoking

i'm happy.

i found open-minded people that i can discuss anything with. without having to think about whether they will be annoyed by my opinion. without any fear of being judged. and it's liberating. you know, i've stopped using my brain to really think since i stopped reading and since i graduated. 

i don't know if it's just me being cocky and i stop learning or i don't feel like i'm intrigued enough and challenged enough to use my brain to its full strength.

God, do you see me?

but then again, i realized that people have to see things for themselves to believe in something. for example, take me. my father always told me that i'm more than what i think i'm worth for. that i can do better than just doing what i do now. that i didn't even use 1% of my own strength.

i couldn't see it.

don't get me wrong. i have this tendency of being such a pessimist, of underestimating myself, of not believe in my worth. and i don't know why. so yeah, i couldn't see it.

until i can.

until one day, it struck me. i tried to look deeper into myself and into my past. and somehow, i can see it. i'm greater than what i thought i was. i try to value myself as true as possible. i put myself first before anyone else. and i stop listening to all the fuzzy wuzzy know-it-all-when-actually-not noises. i stop bother.

and i'm happier :)

and things are clearer this way.

2017, a year with you

tanggal 3 Januari 2018 menandakan tanggal 3 kami yang ke-17. sudah enam belas bulan kami bersama. dan selama setahun penuh 2017 kami bersama.

kalau saya disuruh merangkum 2017, sesungguhnya saya bingung.

rasanya, banyak hal yang terjadi. namun pada saat yang bersamaan juga tidak ada yang terjadi. penuh kontradiksi ya? 

Eco Park Ancol, Jakarta

masih ada beberapa checklist yang masih belum berhasil tercentang di tahun 2017. masih banyak juga hal yang sedikit banyak disayangkan. namun, yang pasti saya belajar bahwa jika bukan karena setiap pilihan yang telah saya pilih dan setiap kejadian yang sudah terjadi, tidak mungkin saya bisa menjadi saya yang seperti sekarang ini.

apapun yang terjadi, keseluruhan prosesnya harus disyukuri.
dan dikontemplasikan.

The silhouette

untuk selamanya.
dan untuk bertahun-tahun berikutnya yang selalu menjadi lebih baik dari sebelumnya.