provoking

i'm happy.

i found open-minded people that i can discuss anything with. without having to think about whether they will be annoyed by my opinion. without any fear of being judged. and it's liberating. you know, i've stopped using my brain to really think since i stopped reading and since i graduated. 

i don't know if it's just me being cocky and i stop learning or i don't feel like i'm intrigued enough and challenged enough to use my brain to its full strength.

God, do you see me?

but then again, i realized that people have to see things for themselves to believe in something. for example, take me. my father always told me that i'm more than what i think i'm worth for. that i can do better than just doing what i do now. that i didn't even use 1% of my own strength.

i couldn't see it.

don't get me wrong. i have this tendency of being such a pessimist, of underestimating myself, of not believe in my worth. and i don't know why. so yeah, i couldn't see it.

until i can.

until one day, it struck me. i tried to look deeper into myself and into my past. and somehow, i can see it. i'm greater than what i thought i was. i try to value myself as true as possible. i put myself first before anyone else. and i stop listening to all the fuzzy wuzzy know-it-all-when-actually-not noises. i stop bother.

and i'm happier :)

and things are clearer this way.