vajram

writings in Javanese..

You are a diamond in progress.
Nope, nope. Scratch that.
Every human being is a diamond.
They have a light within
that's been lying dormant,
waiting to shine.
Patiently, facing pressures and tests.
Through and through.
Bit by bit.

You may whine.
You may pout.
Your destiny is still to shine nonetheless.
It's already in the writing.
Yes, you might want to run away.
To just stop and leave everything behind.
However, that would mean lying to yourself.
Neglecting your own deep desire.

No matter how hard you deny it.
You want to shine.
You will shine.
Wait, look at that smile.
You ARE shining.

bladibladabla

have you ever feel that you're such a failure? that everything you do seem to be wrong. seem to be unacceptable. seem below par. that nothing you do is sufficient and pleasing.

i have. for sure.

i don't say "i had" cause there's a reason for it.

perhaps this is the so-called mid-life crisis. or perhaps this is just my PMS talking.

or even, it is time for me to seriously slap my face and kick my own but and yell "MOVE! For God's sake!"

however, do i have the privilege to sulking and pouting and just pitying myself?

i don't think so. okay, for just a very tiny bit of time, i do have it. but it's not for me to stop. it's for me reflect on myself and my past and start restructuring my plan for the future.

which path should i take?

the sound of your heart

you can always talk with other people,

like a lot of people.

ask for their opinion.

read books and try to look for clue.

listen to podcasts or watch motivational videos.

everything,

to find this so called answer.

but you forget to do one thing,

the one most important thing.

to look inside yourself.

to find it within.

not without.

it ends well (i hope)

it's ending.

well, i hope.

it's not like we both want it to end.

it's just, the circumstances we're in, the mistakes we both made,

the people who are involved,

they are all adding up to this moment.

we just can't help it.

we both need this.

screw you ghaniyya, who can't bring herself to hate him.

into the 3rd

Entah apa yang bisa kukatakan.

Karena pada akhirnya, aku tidak perlu mengatakan apapun untuk membuatmu mengerti apa yang sedang bersarang di kepalaku.

Kamu tahu.

Kamu selalu tahu.

Yang aku mengerti dari semuanya,

aku bersyukur aku bertemu denganmu dan mengenalmu dan bisa memanggilmu milikku.

Seorang yang bertanggung jawab, pekerja keras, jujur, menyayangi keluarganya, sabar, pengertian, dan masih panjang lagi kalau aku harus tulis semuanya.

Dan kamu juga dengan segala kekurangan yang ada.

Sejak awal, aku sudah menyadari.

Bahwa mencintaimu itu mudah.

Dan juga sulit.

Karena bukan hanya kamu yang harus kucintai,

tetapi juga seluruhnya aspek di kehidupanmu.

Jadwalmu.

Mood swings mu.

Pekerjaanmu.

Namun, aku juga tahu.

Aku bersedia.

Kita bersedia, for better and worse,

bersama.

Untuk berpuluh tahun selanjutnya,

3 September 2016 - seterusnya